Monday, January 27, 2014

My personal challenge to end yelling

The 30 day No Yelling challenge.

I've seen this going around lately and thought I would use my blog to help keep me accountable.  Good or bad, I'm going to try and check in once a week to let you know how I've been handling things. 

First, let me warn you.  I'm not a calm person.  I'm actually a very obscene, angry, hateful, pessimistic kind of person.  I've leaned over the years how to manage my road rage and filter my verbal sewage, but I'm still human.  I have bad days, I pms just like the rest of you ladies and I haven't had a good night's sleep in more than 15 months.  I find myself getting angry at inanimate objects (stupid fucking microwave) or situations that are cosmically beyond my control (stupid fucking sunrise) And of course I get upset at other humans (stupid fucking person driving that blue car)

But what bothers me the most about my internal anger is how easily I find myself getting angry at the people in my life who deserve better.  They deserve better FROM me and they deserve a better ME.  Those people of course are my husband and my son.  Yes, my son.  My sweet, innocent, precious, love of my life, FIFTEEN MONTH OLD baby boy. 

How can you yell at a 15 month old?  How can a sane person begin to rationalize actually, angrily, verbally yelling at a toddler?  When you look at it from the outside it just seems ridiculous.  Yelling at a toddler for behaving like a toddler is like yelling at winter for being cold.  Or yelling at a tree for growing in the forest.  I mean, come on!  He's only 15 months old.  Why am I getting so angry at him?

I can give you a list of excuses, but that's all they are.  Excuses.  And you know what they say about excuses right? ;)

Yes it's true, I've barely slept during the last 2 years. (Because pregnant sleep is NOT good sleep, am I right?!?)  I work long hours.  My hormones are wack because I'm on my period. Blah, blah, blah.  He's still only 15 months old.  And you know what?  He's cutting molars =( He's going through a growth spurt right now that is aching his bones to the core.  He's got a monster case of cabin fever from being locked indoors for his first "real" winter. 

Did I mention HE'S ONLY 15 MONTHS OLD!!!!

I'm the grown up here, I need to start acting like it.  I need to stop taking my frustration out on the most innocent member of my family.  (And don't forget my poor husband!) So starting right now, this very moment, I am going to use every ounce of strength I have to keep my temper, maintain balance and stop yelling.

** I want to add that although this sounds like I'm some screaming lunatic mom (Roseanne? Malcolm in the Middle?) I'm not.  I promise you.  My fits of verbal anger and frustration are typically limited to about once a week. And I never, I mean NEVER!!! take my frustration out on T-man physically.  Never! **

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