The fine print of the law

After a recent amendment to the law, I began researching the specific phrasing of my state's law regarding breastfeeding.  In the state of Missouri, it has read (since 1999) that "Mo. Rev. Stat. § 191.918 (1999) allows a mother, with as much discretion as possible, to breastfeed her child or express breast milk in any public or private location where the mother is otherwise authorized to be."  Effective this summer (2014) it now reads "Mo. Rev. Stat. § 191.918 (1999, 2014) allows a mother, with discretion, to breastfeed her child or express breast milk in any public or private location where the mother is otherwise authorized to be"

The part about "as much as possible" has been, thankfully, removed.  Who gets to determine that level of discretion?  Who decides how much discretion is the appropriate amount "possible"?  The mother does, and no one else.  So first off, I would like to say THANK YOU to the state of Missouri for giving that tiny amount of authority back to the only person who can make that decision.  The mother herself.  Because honestly, the definition of discretion is vague to say the least.

During my research of MO state law, I also began looking into the state laws of the rest of the US.  Purely out of curiosity, I was just browsing to see who (if anyone) had a really kick ass law to protect Mommy's rights.  What I found was less than thrilling.  While I did find some awesomeness, I also found a recurring theme within most state laws that I feel needs to be addressed.  It's the particular phrasing of 2 words that bothers me.

"Mother"
"her baby/child"

Almost every state that has a law protecting the rights of breastfeeding women use these two words/phrases.  The laws are worded that "a mother is allowed to breastfeed" as opposed to "a woman is allowed to breastfeed".  This bothers me because I know that there are many instances when a woman nursing a child may not be the child's mother.  (gasp!) Yes, yes, I know.  Wet nurses are archaic! (insert sarcastic text font here) Who's going to know the difference? Well, honestly, no one at the time.  But when push comes to shove and a WOMAN is wrongfully discriminated against for public BFing, the LAW will not be on her side.  When the wording of a law clearly opposes a situation, that is all they need to use it against you.  That one simple word "mother" could be the deciding factor for a woman in a court battle.  It's seems like such a small change, but it could make all the difference in the world one day.

The other phrase "her baby" or "her child" has two parts.  The first being directly related to the "mother" issue (not your baby? not legal!)  In fact, Iowa specifically states "Iowa Code § 135.30A (2002) a woman may breastfeed the woman's own child in any public place where the woman's presence is otherwise authorized."  HER OWN!  her own child?!? only her own child?  Who do you think you are Iowa, to tell a woman is she can or can not publicly BF a non-related child? 

But the other part of this is the courts legal decision to decide at what age a child is no longer protected to be comforted and nourished in public?  "Her baby" What is the cut off age for "baby"?  My 2 year old is still my baby.  My brother is 23 years old and my mom still considers him to be her baby.  Heck!  By definition, he IS a baby simply because he is "the youngest of a group" (the group being our family) Even worse is the fact that Maryland specifically states that "a woman to breastfeed her infant"  INFANT! only her infant, and once the child is past that point, no other legal protection will be given to that family.  So again, we are down the technical definition of a term.  Baby vs child.  I believe that all laws should either read "child" or simply leave that phrasing out of the law all together.

Now, I do want to share some of that awesomeness I was talking about earlier.  

I found 16 states that have very supportive and less restrictive phrasing in their laws.  Most of these say something along the line of:

"Ark. Stat. Ann. § 5-14-112  (2007) defines indecent exposure and specifies that a woman is not committing indecent exposure for breastfeeding a child in a public place or any place where other individuals are present. (2007 Ark. Acts, Act 680; HB 2411)"
OR
"Kan. Stat. Ann. § 65-1,248 provides that it is the public policy of Kansas that a mother's choice to breastfeed should be supported and encouraged to the greatest extent possible and that a mother may breastfeed in any place she has a right to be."

The vagueness of Michigan's law is actually very helpful because it does not attempt to define the woman/child relationship or confine the child to an age bracket
" Mich. Comp. Laws § 41.181, § 67.1aa and § 117.4i et seq. (1994) state that public nudity laws do not apply to a woman breastfeeding a child."

But here is my favorite!  By far the best and most specific, protective wording out of all the 50 US state laws regarding public breastfeeding.  I give you MINNESOTA!
"Minn. Stat. § 145.905 provides that a mother may breastfeed in any location, public or private, where the mother and child are authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother's breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breastfeeding."
**I'll forgive them for the use of the word "mother" only because the inclusion of the nipple exposure is just so awesome =)

All of the state laws can be found here and I strongly recommend that everyone bookmark the page or print out a copy to keep on hand.  You never know when you're going to need to educate the ignorant public masses LOL

Jessica vs Snomaggedon

 As promised, here is another installment in my series of Birth Stories as written by fellow members of my "mama tribe".  This birth story is of a first time mother and her labor during the worst snow storm of that winter. 

First time mom, 26 years old, 2013: 
 
So, William was born last year during snow storm Rocky. He was my first child.   Like most new moms, I took a birthing class and while I didn't really pay a lot of attention, I did study the mongolian birthing method like crazy. That book and CD's had me convinced that labor did not hurt. 

Well, it was the morning of 02/23/2013 when I went to the doctor and they said that I was dilated to a 2.  By then I was so sick of being pregnant and huge I just wanted it over with! I was severely anemic and had gained 70 lbs.  I looked like the pregnant Bella from Twilight. I continued working right up until I delivered as well as doing yoga and tons of walking in the snow.  The doctor asked me for the 100th time if I wanted her to rupture my membranes and I told her no, I had already had lost my muscus plug and the baby would come out when he was ready. She tells me that it could be a while. (yeah, great to hear considering I wasn't due for another 12 days and all the other women in my family were induced at 41 weeks, yay....)

I go home miserable. I told my husband "Lets do this, get this baby out! Lets have sex and make contractions!"  We start, but my husband freaks out and thinks the babies head is hitting his.. umm.. ok, so that didn't work. The next day I decide to try castor oil only because I had already eaten everything spicy in the house.  Caster oil is terrible and gross.  I took some and I waited and waited.  Then I waited some more.  Nothing.   By now its Sunday.  I am tired, its snowing and I am sick.  I threw up at random all over myself throughout my entire pregnancy and had to constantly carry spare clothes with me.  Monday comes and I decided to call into work.  I was exhausted and it was still snowing.  Fortunately they were closing due to weather anyway.  I am tired all day but still no contractions and no movement at all, so I get some coffee to "wake him up".   Nothing. 

I go to sleep but I woke up at about 11 pm and needed to take a bath because my back is hurting.  I did this regularly because my baby always sat right on my satic nerve.   My husband is so nice, he runs the bath for me.   I get in and sit down and suddenly I PEE!  A lot!   It felt weird though because I couldn't stop, but by that point who cares.  You pee all the time, right?  So I sit in the bath tub awhile, then I need to go to the bathroom (like number 2) immediately.   I jump out of the tub as fast as I could and sat on the toilet.  I tried to go to the bathroom, but nothing would happen, so I go back to bed. 

My back was killing me and the baby was moving a bunch (finally) so I think "Well, maybe these are Braxton hicks."  I got up thinking  "If these are Braxton hicks, I need to move and drink something so they'll go away."  I walked into my living room (which is maybe 6 feet from my bedroom) and BAM!  I doubled over and suddenly needed to go number 2 again really bad this time!  I couldn't stand up so I move slowly, hunched over, to the bath room in the hall and tried to go again.  I turned the lights on this time and I tried to go but nothing came out.  When I looked in the toilet all I saw was blood.  Like, a LOT of blood!  I was so scared.  I had just watched the mayor declare a state of emergency and now I was in labor!  i hd to decide what to do.  Do we chance the roads or do i deliver my own baby in the bath tub?  

William was coming out one way or another.  I could feel him pushing down, he knew what do and my body was accommodating him.  I woke my husband up and told him "Lets go"  He wanted to pack first, but I told him that this baby was coming out!  He asked if I had had time to count the contractions.  I told him "They are about 1-2 min apart, we need to go now!"  My loving husband drove me to the hospital, in that terrible snow storm, with me screaming the whole time.

We made it safely to the parking lot of the emergency room .  I didn't think I could walk because I was so scared the baby was going to fall out.  On top of all that, I felt like I was gonna poop all over myself! LOL We made it inside the emergency room and I listened to my birthing ipod mix and squeezed my pillow tightly.  It seemed like I had to wait forever.   When they finally got me up and checked me, the nurse said that I was a 4, but my water wasn't broken.  I told her what had happened in the tub and showed her how my bed was wet.  I asked her "Then what is all this goo coming out?" Thank God for the experienced nurse that came in to double check me.  She kept using these strips to check and see if I had amniotic fluid and they all showed negative.  I told her I felt like I should bear down  but she told me not to, but to wait for the doctor. I wanted an IV by this point and an epidural.

Due to the storm, the power kept going off and on, so my IV wasn't as effective as I would have liked. The anisteologist on call had a really hard time getting there and told me it may not spread in time, but he was going to give it to me anyway. By that point I just wanted it to all be over.  I got the epidural and I can tell you, 50% pain is way better than 100% pain!Unfortunately, the epidural did not spread on my left side.  I asked the nurses why my stomach was not hurting.  I had no period like cramping, in fact, I had no pain from my uterus at all.  The only pain I was experiencing was the WORST back pain of my life.  I mean the worst kind EVER!  No one said that my back would hurt.  But oh man did it hurt!   I think that's why I didn't know I was in labor.  Looking back now, my back was hurting every couple of hours and those were probably my first contractions. 

Anyway, I wanted to take a shower but they wouldn't let me with the IV. I just wanted a shower so bad.  The doctor finally came in now because I was at a 6 and progressing.  She said that the nurses told her that I was dialating but my water was intact.   I told her I didn't care, lets just do this.  Then she goes in to break my water and says "Umm ... your water is already broken!"  I said "I know that! I told them that. I think that pee in the bathtub was my water breaking and I am pretty sure this baby wants out."

She told me to wait a few min and she would be back.  I waited and felt William beginning to push down.  The mongolian method teaches you to relax and remember that the baby knows what he is doing.  Okay, so that's what I did.  I relaxed as much as I could.   The doctor came back and said  it was time to push.  I remember smelling something and thinking "Finally! Poop!" LOL  The doctor asked "Do you want to touch his head?"  Umm ... no thanks!  Lets get this over with.  

It's a little unnerving to hear your delivering doctor say  "Oh my...."  I asked if everything was okay?   Her response was "He has soooo much hair!  The most hair I have ever seen!" (whew!) She then asked me if I wanted to tear naturally or be cut. (episiotomy)  I respond "I don't know, whats it looking like down there? What do you suggest?"  I passed on the episiotomy and just pushed.  He came out and I ripped so bad I had 3rd degree tears and a lot bleeding.  It took a lot of stitches to get me sewn back up.   I was soooo cold.   I remember them handing me my son.  I started to cry and asked them to take him away and clean him up, then bring him back so I could nurse him.  They cleaned him up and I just kept saying "Holy shit, that's a baby!"  That came out of my vagina! He was living in there the whole time! I couldn't believe I had just had a baby.

I was shaking all over by that time and was still really cold.  I asked for some Iron tablets but they said they couldn't give me any, so I asked my husband to bring me some from home.   I spent the first couple of hours terrified to touch my baby, and I was scared to do anything with him except for letting him nurse.  I refused to be alone with him as severe postpartum depression runs in my family.  The first thing after having a baby is take a shower and I desperately wanted a shower so bad. (remember?) I got into the shower and was scared to touch my vagaina.  I didn't want to touch or see it.   I rinsed it with water and got out.   The nurses kept looking at the pads to see how much I was bleeding and they wanted to touch my stomach every so often and look at my sheets.  I stayed both nights in the hospital by myself and walked the halls. I hadn't eaten anything. The nurses questioned me about this and I explained I was vegetarian but they kept bringing things with meat.   I wasn't hungry anyway.  Thankfully I didn't need any meds for the postpartum depression.  I just sat at the window, in the light, everyday with my baby. 

It can be rough, but you will get through it.

Phantom cries

I had the strangest experience the other night.  I was sound asleep (well, I was "mom" asleep) and I remember jumping up out of bed because my son was awake and crying.  I stepped into his room though and he was still asleep!  Okay, maybe he called out in his sleep, no biggie.  I go back to bed, fall asleep and a little while later, I scrambled out of bed again because my son "needed to nurse" ... didn't he? Doesn't he? Where is he?

I checked the video monitor and there he was, sound asleep in his crib.  Hmmm .... Okay mama, go back to bed.  I crawl into bed, fall asleep for and hour or so only to awake again to what I can only assume is "phantom cries" that my brain is creating. 

As if moms don't get little enough sleep, now my brain is creating false baby alerts to wake me up even more?  LOL Thanks brain that's just what I needed.